Shannon Rogers Guess Richardson was arrested Friday in connection with the mailing of ricin-laced letters to President Barack Obama and New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg, NBC reports.

Guess Richardson lives in New Boston, Texas, and was arrested in Arkansas on charges that will be filed Friday afternoon, authorities told NBC.

NBC reports:

Shannon Rogers Guess Richardson of New Boston, Texas, originally called the Federal Bureau of Investigation claiming that her husband had sent the letters, officials said. The investigators found that she had sent the letters herself, they said.

According to E! Online, Guess Richardson is an actress who has had small parts in both "The Walking Dead" and "Vampire Diaries," and her husband is an army veteran. Guess Richardson denied that she had sent the letters in a statement to E! News:

"I really can't say much at all but the accusation couldn't be further from the truth. I would not put my unborn child or other children in danger just to 'frame' someone. He simply needed someone to blame for what he has done and I was the obvious person for him to blame. Most of what is being reported in this case is absolutely inaccurate. That's all I can say. Thank you for asking for my side of this instead of running with the inaccuracies many others are publishing."

This story is developing... Check back for more...

BURBANK, Calif. — "The Fosters" is a study in unlikely bedfellows.

The new ABC Family drama pairs mainstream star Jennifer Lopez and Peter Paige, who played bubbly Emmett in the cult favorite series "Queer as Folk," as executive producers. It brings to television a rare depiction of a lesbian couple as heads of a household.

And "The Fosters," airing its second episode 9 p.m. EDT Monday, combines a focus on the generally ignored lives of foster children with the challenges of an ethnically diverse home – a big reach for an hourlong series aimed at teenagers and young adults.

"I think in every time we have to kind of push that envelope and really be a reflection of what's going on in society and ... this show does that and in a smart, edgy, funny, heartfelt way," said Lopez, who's producing it with co-creators Paige and Bradley Bredeweg.

The 43-year-old actress-singer-dancer candidly cites her life as an example of the changing nature of family.

"You can't keep spoon-feeding the idea of what the perfect family is. It just doesn't exist," she said. "Even myself, I have two kids, their dad (Marc Anthony) doesn't live at home with us. I'm divorced. They have four stepbrothers and sisters from two other moms. It's not traditional."

"We all wish we had that fairy tale thing in our heads," Lopez said. But when it doesn't come true for children they shouldn't have to think, `Oh, I don't have the mom and the dad, the perfect three kids and a dog. There's something wrong with me,'" she added.

"The Fosters" stars Teri Polo ("Meet the Parents") and Sherri Saum as Stef Foster and Lena Adams, the couple whose family includes Stef's biological son (David Lambert) from a former marriage, adopted twins (Cierra Ramirez, Jake T. Austin) and a newly arrived foster teenager (Maia Mitchell) whose difficult past has left her wary. Oh, and Stef is a police officer who works with her ex-husband.

It makes for a tangled web that's rich in storytelling possibilities, not just messages, its creators said.

"Draw a line between any two of these characters and there's a relationship that hasn't been explored before," Paige said. "What's it like to be the adopted brother whose best friend is the biological brother? What's it like to be a foster child who's come in the house and finds herself drawn to one of the boys?

"What's it like to have your ex-husband, your son's biological father who you work with, around, and does he have a role with your other kids?"

Quipped Bredeweg: "My God, I created the show and I'm so lost right now."

An expert on the foster system consults with the show to help with accuracy. But Paige said liberties are being taken to serve the stories. Most foster children, for example, get their own bedroom; that's dispensed with in "The Fosters" to up the drama ante.

"We are not pretending to, nor would we be interested in, doing a docu-series about the foster system. We're after a family story where some people are chosen, where everybody has come in through a different door and finds themselves in the same room," he said.

ABC Family is used to taking chances with such shows as "Switched at Birth," which features deaf characters and subtitles. But how does it determine that its young audience is ready for "The Fosters," including its lesbian couple and the challenges they face?

"It's really a gut check," said Kate Juergens, executive vice president in charge of programming and development for the channel. "The millennial generation is so much more colorblind than the generation before them. And gay is so not an issue for them. ... They're so much more used to people being out."

Cast member Lambert, who's 19, agrees: "Even if it's an unconventional family, at the end of the day it's really just a family."

A total of 10 episodes will air, and Paige and Bredeweg hope for many more to come. Lopez's involvement was key to getting the show greenlighted and, they hope, keeping it alive. "You want to get a relationship drama made, you attach a superstar," Paige observed – and she and her Nuyorican Productions continue as active partners.

"They weigh in on story and casting. ... She's not just hands-off over in the corner, being gorgeous and glamorous," Paige said.

"Casting is her passion," Bredeweg added: Lopez is keen on finding new talent, and it was her call that the twins be Latino.

Will she be involved in the show as an actress or through her music?

"Music for sure. We're looking for the right moment. There's something in the works now we're not at liberty to discuss. On camera, you never know," said Paige, who has pushed his own acting career aside in favor of writing and producing TV shows and films with Bredeweg.

Lopez strikes a more cautious note about inserting herself into the drama unless it's done in what she deems an "organic" way that's not distracting.

"I feel like sometimes when you have somebody like me who's in the public eye and you produce something, they always want to put you on and it feels `stunt-y' to me sometimes. ... I believe this show stands on its own," said Lopez, the former "American Idol" judge whose company's other TV projects include music show "Q'Viva!: The Chosen."

But she's eager to publicize "The Fosters" and, to that end, sat patiently for a daylong succession of interviews well before the show's premiere. She took part in a live Twitter chat during last week's premiere (Among her tweets: "What does family mean to you? Tell me in three words .. GO!")

"I will bring as much attention to it as I can so people know it's out there," she said.

As Lopez sees it, "The Fosters" stands for what she's learned "are the important things in life, which are family equals love. It's a place where you go for unconditional love, to be accepted, to feel safe. And at the end of the day, that there's no real `normal.' That there's no set thing of what a family is at this moment in time in our lives."

___

Online:

http://www.abcfamily.go.com

___

Lynn Elber is a national television columnist for The Associated Press. She can be reached at lelber(at)ap.org and on Twitter (at)lynnelber.

According to Glamour, "The Mortal Instruments" is about to do for Lily Collins what "The Hunger Games" did for Jennifer Lawrence. Meaning: the 24-year-old actress is Hollywood's "next big thing" -- and she's on the cover of the magazine's July issue to prove it.

Lily talks fashion, her actor friends (including J Lawr!) and what keeps her grounded in the interview excerpt, below. Scroll down to see photos from the cover shoot.

GLAMOUR: Did you ever ask your dad for help?
LILY COLLINS: No, I always wanted to do it on my own. I never wanted anyone making phone calls. A name can open doors, but there’s a quote I like: “Personality can open doors, but only character can keep them open.”

GLAMOUR: In your new movie "Stuck in Love," your character, Samantha, is a little like you: a writer with a famous father.
LC: It’s my most meaningful project so far. I fought for the role for seven months. I read the script and thought, "No one but me can play this." Samantha is promiscuous, cynical, sarcastic—qualities that are not me, but fun to channel. I also liked her relationship with her dad.

GLAMOUR: Do you consider anyone your mentor?
LC: My mom. It has nothing to do with acting. She guides me through my personal life, telling me to experiment. She lets me borrow her vintage. She has Chanel and eighties stuff from Yohji Yamamoto and Vivienne Westwood that she got when vintage wasn’t cool. She’d wear them to events with my dad, and everyone would ask what she had on; when she said “vintage,” they’d go, “Oh, that’s nice,” and, you know, turn the corner.

GLAMOUR: You recently ran into Chanel designer Karl Lagerfeld in Paris. How does that work? Does he simply appear from a plume of smoke?
LC: That’s how he should arrive, right? We’d met briefly before, and I was shopping at Colette when he just walked in and said, “Ah, Lily!” Karl Lagerfeld in Paris. Epic.

GLAMOUR: "The Mortal Instruments" is going to be epic too.
LC: I’m so excited! I had read and really loved the books.

GLAMOUR: The anticipation level is pretty crazy. Readers have a lot of opinions about the movie.
LC: The fans [in Toronto, during filming] were amazing. They’d bring us cookies, mugs, tea, drawings, everything. I want to make sure I live up to their expectations as Clary.

GLAMOUR: It all reminds me of where Jennifer Lawrence was right before "The Hunger Games."
LC: She’s a friend; she’s awesome. The choices Jennifer has made have been really interesting. And I loved how she carried herself after her trip [going up onstage] at the Oscars. I was like, “You go, girl!”

GLAMOUR: Do you have many actor friends?
LC: It’s funny, but the friends I’ve made in this business, some of us started out getting each other’s phone numbers in audition rooms because we were like, “I see you all the time. Why are we not hanging out?”

GLAMOUR: We have to ask: Have you started getting dressed in the morning with the paparazzi in mind?
LC: Even in L.A., where everyone’s in yoga pants, I’ve never been the girl to run around in sweats. I love fashion and always have something put together, but I won’t wear anything specifically to be photographed in. I have become more cautious of making funny faces in public.

GLAMOUR: So, Ms. Next Big Thing, what keeps you grounded?
LC: My mom. She has always encouraged me to feel like being me is enough. That’s really special, especially in a place like Hollywood. She’s my best friend.

For more from the issue, head over to Glamour.com.

The "Next Big Thing" issue is on newsstands nationwide on June 11 and available now digitally (iPad, Kindle Fire and Barnes & Noble Nook Color).

Baby makes five! Josh and Anna Duggar welcomed their third child, son Marcus Anthony, on Sunday, the couple tell PEOPLE exclusively.

Maxim may have chosen Miley Cyrus to top its "Hot 100" list of 2013, but not everyone's on board with that choice.

About a month ago, when the magazine officially broke the news, one Reddit user decided to take matters into his own hands. In a post titled "Lets vote our top 100 Sexiest Women shall we?", daxl70 urged the Celebs subreddit to vote on its favorite leading ladies.

The rules were simple: Each participating user had to post a comment with his own list of hottest women, numbered 1 through 10. "How you rank them is important, as they are given different amounts of points based on which position you put them in," wrote daxl70. "Also, you must have 10 women. No more, no less."

A few days after voting closed, the list was complete.

According to daxl70's follow-up post, he counted 85 valid votes which mentioned 220 different women. Mila Kunis -- who was also named FHM's "Sexiest Woman in the World", Esquire's "Sexiest Woman Alive" and Details' "Most F*ckable Celebrity" -- won Reddit's first place by a landslide.

Kunis' runner-ups include:

For the rest of the list (and, per daxl70, NSFW photos) click here.

Adorable alert!

Beyonce, 31, took a break from The Mrs. Carter Show World Tour to unwind and cuddle with her beautiful baby girl, Blue Ivy.

Bey posted the photo to her Tumblr page, Beyonce | I Am. In it, she's seen relaxing in a hot tub with Blue Ivy, 1, resting on her chest. Little Blue Ivy is wearing a striped swimsuit and has a tiny bow in her hair, her famous mom has her hair covered up and giant sunglasses on her beaming face.

Jay-Z's lady posted a few more photos of herself enjoying the vacation hot spot. In one photo, she is riding a bicycle around, looking completely natural. In another, she's lying on the grass, her arms blissfully spread out.

Just last weekend, Beyonce used her Tumblr to refute claims that she's pregnant. After the Internet went wild with speculations for a few weeks, the "Single Ladies" singer posted a photo of herself sitting on Jay-Z's lap and sipping wine. Alcohol, as most people know, is ill-advised for women who are expecting.

PHOTO:

Earlier this week, we made a plea for Mad Men to bring back Sal Romano. No telling whether Matthew Weiner heard us, but Bryan Batt, who played Sal, sure did -- he told us so himself last night, at a screening of I'm So Excited hosted by the Cinema Society. (His exact words: "It was nice to see the little piece in the Vulture.") Sadly, the conversation didn't give us much hope that Sal is, in fact, slated to return to the show. But you still never know; and it was at least fun to find out what Batt thinks Sal might be up to these days. Here's how our conversation went.

Game of Thrones may be closing out the season on Sunday, but you can still watch wannabe royals vie for the crown this summer with Starz' new period drama, The White Queen.

Based on Philippa Gregory's best-selling historical novels, the series -- which debuts on Aug. 10 at 9 p.m. -- follows the various plays for power that ensue in 1464 England after the reigning King Edward (Max Irons) goes against his advisers to marry crafty commoner Elizabeth (Rebecca Ferguson). Watch the exclusive trailer below and then post your thoughts -- do you think Queen can provide your fantasy TV fix once Thrones is gone?

In what sounds like a match made in Hollywood casting heaven, Reese Witherspoon and Sofia Vergara are set to team up on the just-announced comedy "Don't Mess With Texas."

Deadline.com reports that the two funny ladies will portray a cop and a prisoner on the run from the law. There's no word yet on which actress will portray which character -- will Vergara's dominating presence lend itself to the cop role, or will Witherspoon play mother hen to Vergara's presumably silly prisoner character?

The movie finds Witherspoon returning to her Southern roots, as the actress was born in New Orleans and led the charge in 2002's popular "Sweet Home Alabama." While Vergara has expanded her résumé with movie roles in recent years, this could become her most high-profile effort to date.

Universal Pictures acquired "Texas" in what Deadline calls a "spirited bidding battle." With Vergara slated to co-produce, the film is reportedly on track to begin production in March 2014. Veteran sitcom producers John Quaintance and David Feeney, who together were behind the short-lived but well-liked Fox series "Ben & Kate," wrote the spec script.

Vergara will next star in "The Smurfs 2" and "Machete Kills," while Witherspoon will be seen in the thriller "Devil's Knot."

Marilyn Manson made sure he put the "shock" in his "Shock Therapy" tour when he simulated slashing his wrists with a knife after dedicating a song to Paris Jackson.

On Thursday, Manson dedicated the song "Disposible Teens" to the 15-year-old who was hospitalized earlier this week after attempting suicide, reports TMZ.

The 44-year-old rocker used a knife attached to a microphone to simulate cutting himself, and while it's a prop he's used in past shows, the stunt made a bigger impact during Thurday's show.

Though the family has not made any statements as to what directly led to Jackson's hospitalization, TMZ reported that teen "threw a fit" because she wasn't allowed to attend Manson's concert. Following these reports, Manson told the website that Jackson had an open invitation to any of his shows.

And although Manson has performed the knife stunt before, it is now being called "harmful" by suicide prevention groups.

Alan Ross, executive director from Samaritans USA New York, told the Daily Mail:

"Everyone in the suicide prevention field agrees that graphic depiction of self-harm is a provocative act that does impact people who are in distress in a manner that is very counterproductive and harmful."

Ross added, "Even in creative environments there should be some sense of social responsibility that is aware of the impact of actions and messages."

NBC's summer series Siberia has found a way to solve the problem of "found footage" projects. You know how when you're watching a Paranormal Activity movie, or Cloverfield or Chronicle, where the actors are filming themselves, and at some point once the action and terror kicks in, you say to yourself: Nobody would ever keep shooting in this situation!

Jessica Simpson was involved in a dastardly conspiracy with OK! Magazine to make a buck by grabbing a man's baby and mugging with the infant for the camera, making it appear as if the child were hers ... this according to a bizarre new lawsuit.

Scarlett Johansson is suing a French publisher for the unauthorized use of her name in a best selling book, "The First Thing We Look At."

According to The Hollywood Reporter, the 28-year-old actress has filed a lawsuit against JC Lattes seeking compensation and damages for "breach and fraudulent use of personal rights,” as well as a ban on “future transfer of rights and adaptations of the book.”

The novel, which was published in March, centers around a mechanic who meets a woman who he believes is Johansson, but is actually revealed to be a look-alike named Jeanine Foucaprez.

The book's author, Gregoire Delacourt, was "stunned" by the lawsuit, and told French newspaper Le Figaro that his book "corresponds with the fantasies of our times," adding that the male lead in the novel is compared to Ryan Gosling. "All these famous people live with us. But I wrote a book of fiction. My character is not Scarlett Johansson, it is Jeanine Foucaprez!”

Will Matt Lauria make a return in the upcoming season of "Parenthood"? It certainly looks like it.

Although Amber (Mae Whitman) and Ryan (Lauria) had their fair share of ups and downs in Season 4, it doesn't seem like series creator Jason Katims is ready to let go of that storyline just yet.

“We don’t know what the details [for Season 5] are going to be,” Lauria explained at the ATX festival on Saturday, according to TVLine.“But [showrunner] Jason [Katims] recently asked me, ‘Are you up for it?’ and I told him, ‘I’m up for it!’ And since then, there have been some conversations back and forth between my manager and [higher ups].”

Whitman, who considers Lauria one of her closest friends, is rooting for their relationship as well.

"It’s one of the first times we’ve seen Amber really happy," the actress told Entertainment Weekly ahead of Season 4. "That’s the state of mind you’re in when something like real love comes along and you’re often caught off guard. She’s starting to understand what she has to offer to the world. And Ryan’s very different from the guys she’s been with. He could teach her a lot and she could teach him a lot.”

"Parenthood" returns for Season 5 in the fall on Thursdays at 10 p.m. ET.

Do you want Ryan to return for another season? Sound off in the comments.

With every Bond edition comes the inevitable question: Who will play the action hero's leading lady? It's probably a more important discussion than who will play Bond himself.

As Hollywood works to solidify the 24th entry in the indelible series, wheels are turning about who will take over for Bérénice Marlohe and Tonia Sotiropoulou, the ladies who nabbed the coveted roles in "Skyfall." Penelope Cruz emerged as a viable frontrunner -- and an excellent choice, if we do say so ourselves -- but now her reps are reportedly denying the actress's involvement with the Bond series.

So if not Cruz, who will take the reins and don the coveted title of the next official Bond girl? We've rounded up 20 actresses (of all ages, mind you -- who says a Bond girl has to still be suckling on the teat of Young Hollywood?) who are among the hottest in the business today and could easily bear the Bond crown.

Do you agree? Who's missing from this list? Chime in below in the comments section.

After a modestly successful run as the title character in "The Great Gatsby," Leonardo DiCaprio is gearing up for another historical part -- this time one that's not fictional. The actor will play famed Russian mystic Grigori Rasputin in an upcoming biopic.

Deadline.com reports that Warner Bros. acquired the rights to the movie based on a pitch from Jason Dean Hall, who is also writing the upcoming thriller "Paranoia" and the 2015 Steven Spielberg/Bradley Cooper vehicle "American Sniper."

DiCaprio was attracted to "Rasputin" after Hall uncovered elements of the controversial figure's life that had not yet been depicted, according to Deadline. It's unclear whether the new movie will focus on Rasputin's entire life, during which he became a trusted confidant of Tsar Nicholas II and was brutally murdered for it.

This casting news comes about a month after DiCaprio announced he would be taking a break from his acting duties this summer, having just filmed "The Great Gatsby," "Django Unchained" and "The Wolf of Wall Street" consecutively. In January, DiCaprio said he'd be taking "a long, long break" from acting after feeling "a bit drained." Presumably "Rasputin" will wait for the actor's hiatus to end, although no timeframe for the film has been announced.

Though Kanye West cryptically tweeted "June Eighteen" recently, June 8th is really what it's all about -- as West turns 36 today.

For the occasion, girlfriend and mother-to-be Kim Kardashian took to Instagram to publicly wish her man a happy birthday.

"Happy Birthday to my best friend, the [love] of my life, my soul!!!! I love you beyond words!" wrote the reality star, along with a six-photo collage of her and West.

Though last year Kim splurged on Kanye's birthday and bought him a $750,000 Lamborghini, this year her gift to him is priceless: Kim, 32, and her man are expecting their first child together, a baby girl, that should arrive either this month or the next.

Last weekend, on the season premiere of "Keeping Up with the Kardashians," Kim celebrated her baby shower with a slew of famous friends, among them Maria Menounos, Kelly Osbourne, NeNe Leakes, Tracy Anderson, Kimberly Stewart, Nicole Richie, and of course Kourtney, Khloe, Kris and Kanye.

See Kim's virtual birthday card below:

From PETA:

The Go-Go's were the first all-female band to hit number one writing their own music and playing their own instruments. They were also the first stars to pose for PETA's iconic "Rather Go Naked Than Wear Fur" campaign.

Before the gals kick off their summer 2013 tour, we chatted with vegetarian frontwoman Belinda Carlisle about her passion for animals, her historic work with PETA, and even her favorite foods.

PETA: The Go-Go's starred in PETA's very first naked ad. The "Rather Go Naked Than Wear Fur" campaign has since become iconic around the world. Did you have any feeling when you did it that it would redefine the movement, keep animal rights sexy and relevant for decades, and transcend cultures?

Belinda Carlisle: We had no idea at the time that the campaign would be so iconic. We knew it was clever and would get people talking. The campaign is still just as relevant, since fur still unfortunately lines the runways. Everyone loves the campaign, including my son, who's 21. And I always get asked if we were really naked behind that sign!

PETA: Well, were you?

B.C.: I'll never tell!

PETA: So tell us how you ended up so committed to living meat-free. You were vegetarian, and then you fell off the wagon for a bit, but you came back for animals. What made you recommit to a vegetarian diet?

B.C.: I fell off the vegetarian wagon and never felt good about it. I wouldn't let myself think of my plate of meat as an animal, but I knew deep inside it was, and actually it was gross, especially chicken. I was full of shame. Then I started practicing yoga, which is all about nonviolence, and realized eating meat isn't compatible with that. Now I teach yoga, and I'm so full of pride not to support factory farms and to be socially responsible.

PETA: That's great! For people reading this who would like to go meat-free but don't know where to start, what are some of your favorite vegan foods?

B.C.: Vegan Sloppy Joes, vegan BLTs, and hummus—anything that doesn't leave a bloody aftertaste.

Catch the Go-Go's live this summer.

Text and image courtesy of PETA.

In the near-future America of The Purge, one night a year is reserved for violent crime: For twelve hours, the state sanctions, and even encourages, otherwise illegal behavior, including murder, with no criminal consequences. The idea is that the rest of the year there would be less crime, though one of the outcomes is that the Purge results in more crime against the lower classes, who can't afford to protect themselves. One family that can protect itself -- theoretically -- is headed by Lena Headey and Ethan Hawke, who has gotten rich from selling security systems to his resentful high-class neighbors. Their plan? Lock themselves indoors and wait it out while Purge participants rape, maim, and murder with glee. Of course, this being a movie, things never go according to plan -- not when you've got an underage daughter with an overage boyfriend, a son who empathizes with the downtrodden, and neighbors who exclude you from their Purge plans. Headey, who also plays the formidable Queen Regent on Game of Thrones and knows a thing or two about bloodlust, chatted with Vulture about purging violent emotions, a mother's love, and why her son thinks she's out fighting ninjas.

Note: Do not read on if you have not yet seen the Season 4 premiere of ABC Family's "Pretty Little Liars," titled "A Is For A-l-i-v-e."

Things pick up exactly where they left off -- the Pretty Exteremly Dirty Little Liars are gasping at the sight of #whatsinthetrunk of Wilden's car. Turns out, it's just a dead pig. Compared to what these girls have seen, that's nothing. But I expected to be disappointed in the trunk reveal since Marlene King said we'd find out in the first 30 seconds of the episode.

So, moving on ... Where's MonA? "This was all her," Aria whines. "She set us up!" Hanna, who managed to perfect the sock bun look in between season, quickly discovers she's in the front seat, behind the wheel. What's she doing? "Saving your mom," MonA explains as she uses her Go-Go Gadget skills to take apart the recording device that has the video of Ashley running over Wilden.

When a couple on an evening stroll through the desolate streets of Rosewood starts to approach, Hanna frantically pesters MonA to get "the chip," while MonA, like any good horror genre sociopath, remains calm, cool and collected. Success! They hop in the car With Emily, Spencer and Aria and head back to the Parentless Hasting's House.

At Spencer's, Aria stares out the window, Emily threatens to "beat the crap" out of MonA and Spence decides it's time for a little game called "Third Degree."

Mom: "It's funny that Aria has her hat on sooo perfect."
Me: "Hanna looks like she's celebrating Ash Wednesday."
Mom: "OMG--I was just writing that."

The girls plop their muddied behinds onto the pristine Hastings furniture and prepare for Bedtime Stories with Miss MonA, where our "questions" are "answered."

• How'd she get the car out of the lake? She didn't. She simply put it in Hanna's garage, where she last saw it.
• Shana knew Jenna in her pre-Rosewood days. And she's in love with her. They're both scared of Melissa. (Who isn't, besides perhaps Stephen Salvatore?)
• When CeCe came to Radley, MonA thought she was Ali. But she was hopped up on meds. She doesn't remember what they discussed because she was too high to comprehend anything.
• Lucas gave Emily that massage. Because she was tense.
• She recruited TobAy to the A Team when he got the job in Bucks County.
• She didn't push Ian off the bell tower, but she wishes she knew who did.

None that information is either A) helpful and/or B) what I wanted to know. But thanks for the answers, Marlene. It's no wonder the hours of revelations (as indicated by the fade-ins and fade-outs on MonA) put the girls into a deep slumber they didn't remember falling into. That s*** was BO-ring.

Mom: "They were just in a fire--why would they be sleeping near a fire? And Aria still has her hat on."

When they open their eyes, MonA's missing, causing Hanna to panic since she needs "that chip," because this is apparently a sci-fi feature now. Luckily, she returns a second later with a tray of coffee, still swimming in her dirty black hoodie, of course. Unsurprisingly, Aria prefers soy milk, Spence is a "supersize drip" and Hanna like hers skinny. Emily, what is "with pink"? Sweet'N Low? Can they not say brand names? Confused.

Mom: "And Aria still has her hat on!"

Anyway, the caffeine nor the multigrain scone is not enough to satisfy the girls. They want to know everything MonA knows and they want it now. They also want a feast. They want bean feast. Cream buns and doughnuts and fruitcake with no nuts, so good you could go nuts! Just kidding. Bitches don't eat.

"I'm not in the mood to play room service," Hanna says sternly, demanding MonA bring them to her lAir.

On their way, the streets of Rosewood are at a standstill over by the church. "All this for a muddy cop car and a dead pig?" Em asks. So why did you gasp the night before then, Fields? Hm? HM?!

Suddenly, a gust of wind blows the sheet away covering what the Liars believe to be the porker in the street. Oh, it's a pig in a blanket alright. But it's not the delicious kind served at cocktail parties; it's the kind that'll accuse of murder and then sleep with your mom, i.e. it's Wilden!

Mom: "Ding dong the Wicked Wilden is dead! Where are the munchkins dancing and singing???"

Now, MonA knows what the text they all got at the end of Season 3 meant ... and so does Spencer. "A has a way to make it look like we killed him," Spence explains. And she's back in the game!

Over in the woods, TobAy is "hiding" behind some leaves with a lighter in his hand, looking on as a single firefighter sifts through the debris of the burnt-down home. In the wreckage, the firefighter finds a torched red trench coat, which leads TobAy's eyes to widen and him to sort of, kind of hide is creepy face behind a branch.

Mom: "Look how clean cut the Tob-meister looks. His hair is actually decent. And Hannie's bun looks pretty perf. And Aria still has her hat on!"

Back in the lAir, the perfectly-coiffed, but filthy-faced girls discuss the possibility of Ali really being the one behind Red Coat, who saved them from the fire, as they go through all of MonA's A game gear. They find the "Phantom of the Opera"-esque masque, "revealing" another earlier "mystery." It was pocket-sized MonA who miraculously towered over Hanna on the Halloween train in Caleb's costume. "To think we were this close to our first kiss," MonA jokes.

But, she clarifies that she wasn't the one who tried to throw Aria from the locomotion while in motion, which she can prove thanks to a trusty video she happens to have queued up and ready to go on her laptop. Turns out, Wilden was the #QueenOfHearts, faux fire-engine-red fingernails and all. But he wasn't alone. Just as the #QueenOfHearts II that he was intensely talking to was about to take off his/her mask, MonA's computer started going haywire. "Someone's deleting all my files," she says as lips fly all over her screen, which is what I assume happens when most people get hacked.

Suddenly, they hear children's voices. "Alison. Come out, come out wherever you are." "It's not fair, Aria. It was Emily's idea?" Then, they hear a rusty carousel twirling and the horrifying sound of little girls' giggles. As they walk around the corner of the trailer park, they see five little girls in their image and they're each holding doll mini-versions of the Little Liars fivesome, modeled after the what the girls looked like pre-Ali's death, i.e. MonA's has glasses, Aria's had red streaks in her hair and Hanna's is stuffed with a little extra padding.

Mom: "Why are they at this trailer park? Like they ever lived at a trailer park!"
Me: "Why is mini Spencer so much smaller than everyone else?"
Mom: "Look! They have their own American Rosewood Dolls!"

"Who gave them to you?" MonA asks the trailer park Littler Liars. "Your friend Alison. She started playing with us right after you moved in."

Because that was a normal place to end a conversation and we can all imagine that scene went on to feature the Liars, the trailer park Littler Liars and the trailer park Littler Liars' dolls playing on the rusty carousel, braiding each others' hair and having a grand old time, we pick up the next day post-commercial break.

Over at Emily's, where Hanna is sporting metallic leggings and Em is wearing a vest (She's a lesbian. We get it, wardrobe department!), the girls discuss "the chip." Hanna plans to pretend to rekindled her BFF flame with MonA so that she can recover the tape. Step 1: Helping her move the A Team RV to a new location far away from "Ali" and their mini-me's. Em doesn't trust MonA, but Hanna says if she's learned one thing from her mom it's "keep your friends close and your enemies closer." Ashley seemed to prefer to sleep with her enemies, but to-may-to to-mah-to.

Emily's ever-involved mom emerges to play the voice of the townspeople, offering these two tidbits: 1) No one knows what happened to "poor Wilden," "but there were witnesses" and 2) Ali's mom is back!

Back at A's old torching grounds, Spencer and TobAy are digging for the actual red coat when Spencer decides to enter what remains of the house.

Mom: "Like why isn't that blocked off by police tape or the fire dept as a danger zone?"

"We shouldn't be in here," TobAy tells Spencer, agreeing with my mom. "Well, we are," she replies. So good to have sassy Spencer back. She finds matches from the Lodge at Thornhill, but before she can do anymore searching and rescuing, they realize they are not alone and quickly dart back outside. To the woods. Where it's safer.

Meanwhile, Emily stops over at the DiLaurentis' to bring over a welcome basket her mom wanted her to give to Ali's mom. They have your standard chat about old people odor and then Em helps Mrs. D (because they call her that now) bring some boxes up to what's clearly Ali's room -- the only thing that's missing is Ali herself. "You kept all her things?" Em asks. "I think that's what she would've wanted."

Mom: "I thought Mrs. D was pissed off at the girls from the fashion show."
Me: "I thought so too."

We're suspicious and so is Emily. "She's building a shrine to Ali," Em says on the phone with Hanna, who's en route to "some farm," helping MonA relocate the RV. As Hanna and MonA lock up the lAir on wheels in aforementioned shiny pants and even shinier rival heels, respectively, Hanna wonders if the RV is safe. "There's stuff in there that could really bring us all down," she notes. Without really quashing Hanna's fears, MonA passive aggressively and pretty romantically says, "I just haven't thought about you and me as an us for a long time. Well, anyway ... " Cue commercial.

When we return to "Pretty Little Lesbians Liars," Aria is literally alone at The Brew when another costumer walks in ... It's Ezra, of course.

Mom: "They are the only ones in there. And Aria doesn't have her hat on."

They exchange awkward "hi's" and he tells her he got a new job -- at Rosewood High, the place he left amidst student-teacher affair rumors, so of course, they'd offer him a permanent position. Just as they're in the middle of the "let's see other people" chat, some other patrons walk in and Aria walks out with a "Goodbye, Mr. Fitz." Please stop trying to get me to root for these two. I beg of you.

On to another eye-roll-worthy, but less illegal pairing: Spoby. As Spence reads the latest on Wilden, who was shot multiple times and found somewhere that wasn't where he was killed, TobAy orders her to eat. Silly, TobAy. Food is for ... anyone but these girls! When he refers to himself as her "boyfriend," she puts the newspaper down and gets all nauseatingly flirtatious. Thankfully, TobAy's phone goes off. "Bet you miss her every day. Kisses -A," the message reads, with a photo attached of who we can assume is TobAy's mom.

Mom: "What is wrong with Spencer??"
Me: "Many, many, many things."
Mom: "She is supposed to be so smart and she is soooo dumb when it comes to TOBS."

Over at school, Aria stares longingly at "Mr. Fitz" and Em wonders how to break the Wilden news to Paige, who must've fallen off the face of the earth if she doesn't know what's going on. Suddenly, Aria breaks out of her trance long enough to realize the vice principal is "totally watching" her watch Ezra, which is creepy in itself. The girls bury themselves in Steinbeck. Reading?! That pig from the trunk must've have gotten its wings in heaven because he is flying for sure!

Hanna emerges in the hallway with a headband on her hairline a la early '90s jazzercise instructor and MonA is practically drooling.

Me: "Whoa, Hanna. Headband much?"
Mom: "It is so ugly."
Me: "And why is it there? Also, is Mona in love with Hanna?
Mom: "Maybe--Caleb is leaving--maybe Mona will be her love interest."

"Careful, Hanna. When you use words like 'us' and 'we' my mind goes to this place where I think we could actually be friends again." Seriously!? MonA agrees to ditch her French study group so they can capture the true meaning of friendship: shopping!

"C'est une rendezvouz," MonA says. "Coco Chanel!" Hanna replies enthusiastically.

Suddenly, Aria gets paged to the VP's office. Merde. (This is the end of my French knowledge. Coco Chanel!)

When she enters what appears to be the same exact office her father occupied at Hollis, the vice principal cuts to the chase. "I know you're sleeping with your teacher," he says, prompting me to cheer from my couch that this jig is finally up (though I was admittedly creeped out by the very explicit photos he had of the scandalous couple). "In this state, it's a felony for a teacher to have sex with a minor," he continues. "Ezra Fitz is going to prison." But before I can pop open my champagne to celebrate the fact that "Pretty Little Liars" is finally depicting the proper consequence for the longtime Ezria escapades, we find out it was just Aria's imagination. And here is what happened:

Mom: "Oh my God."
Me: "THANK GOD! WHERE HE BELONGS!"
Mom: "They really went there finally."
Me: "FINALLY"
Mom: "Oh geez. Hahaha"
Me: "OH ARE YOU F***ING KIDDING ME?!"
Mom: "More mind games."
Me: "I AM SO ANGRY RIGHT NOW. SO ANGRY. SO SO SO SO ANGRY."

Turns out, the vice principal just had something for Ella, who's out sick. Cut to commercial and me still fuming.

Back to "Pretty Little Lesbians," where Paige has hopped back on the globe to show Emily photos of Stanford, where she's been offered a full ride. I wonder how the Ivy Leaugers feel about exposed bras because a newly-svelte Paige is clearly very into them. She wants Em to join her at Stanford and though it may be far from Rosewood (unlike Em's choice, Danbee), they can get an apartment together! And she can even decorate said apartment! "Don't you want to live in a place where you don't have to be afraid of the dark?" Paige asks. "In a place where I don't have to be afraid for you?" Finally, Em acquiesces. Californiaaaaaaa, here we cooooome!

Post-shopping spree, MonA and Hanna, who's turned her headband into a beret apparently, return to the Parentless Marin Household for a refreshing, generic soda. MonA suggests Hanna wear her new sheer, lace-y number she got "barely buttoned" for Caleb upon his return. But not minutes later, she calls Hanna out for faux-friending her again and gives her "the chip."

"I really loved you once and I really was your friend," she says, before leaving Hanna and her complicated headgear behind. It must've been love, but it's over now.

Emily returns home from her incredibly early celebration on the town with Paige for their new West Coast lives (where Em's sure to fit in with her Uggs and cut-offs). As she walks inside, she finds Jenna waiting for her. "If anything happens to me, can you give Toby a message?" she asks Emily, who isn't giving in. Jenna notes that she and "Darren" (Wilden) were friends and she's worried that she's next because everyone who saw Ali the night she went missing is "waking up dead." Is this "The Walking Little Liars"? "The Pretty Little Dead"? Did she flub that line (which would be understandable -- pregnancy brain and all) or was it written (which would not be understandable)? Anyway, Em picks up on the fact that Jenna hints that Wilden aslo saw Ali the night she went missing and then, she notices a red mark on Jenna's wrist. "Did you burn yourself?" she asks. Jenna pulls down the sleeve of her jacket and says, "Tell him I never meant to hurt him," before walking off into the night.

A Toby-less Spencer is looking ultra '70s in her colorblocked top and geometric miniskirt, reading in her Toby-made rocking chair, when she feels eyes on her.

Me: "Spencer looks like she came straight out of 'Now and Then.'"

She gets up and goes to her bedroom window to see Mrs. D staring at her with daggers in her eyes. Then, she robotically walks away. I will not lie -- it's pretty freaking scary. This woman is looking more and more suspicious by the minute. A) She has blonde hair. B) She's watching Spencer. C) She has a reason to torment the Little Liars. D) Spence turns around to find a message on her iPad, with the newspaper clipping about Wilden's funeral. "Closed caskets keep secrets. His is open and exposes yours. Kisses, Bitches. -A."

The next day at the funeral, the girls are on a mission to find the casket and wearing entirely the wrong things for both a funeral and a mission.

Mom: "You don't think those dresses are funeral attire? In Rosewood."
Me: "They look like witchy harlots. But sure, for Rosewood, I guess it works."

Now, where could a small building be hiding a box holding the body of a full-grown man? They split up to find out. While Aria watches Ezra and Maggie talk to the vice principal ...

Me: "I still can't believe Alex Mack is on this show."
Mom: "Was that her talking to Ezra and the vice principal??? Hahaha! I thought it was an old lady. I swear."

... Spencer wanders into a private room and seconds later, she hears a phone ring -- only it's not hers. MonA emerges from behind a curtain, "Looks like we got the same e-message." Is "text" a copyrighted term? Who says e-message? Unable to answer these difficult questions, they reach into the casket and find Wilden's ringing phone. And can you believe it? They just missed the call. It was from a blocked number and Wilden also received another call from a blocked number that day, plus one more from "Kisses," the signature for all the blackmailing notes and text A has been sending as of late. Spencer dials it back, per MonA's request. A familiar voice answers. "Why are you calling me on my mom's phone?" Hanna asks.

As the girls try to figure out what this all means -- and as my mom and I are trying to figure out why Hanna even has her mom's phone if she's in New York -- Mrs. D interrupts. "You girls all look so pretty," she says. "Ali would be so proud of you, Hanna. You've really kept the weight off," she adds. Like mother like daughter.

Me: "I couldn't decide who's dress is sluttier. Then, Emily turns around. A shocking late entry!"
Mom: "Emily's is really low cut."

The girls look back to see a figure shrouded in a black lace veil, but before they can figure it out, the congregation starts saying Psalm 23 in unison.

Though Jenna's there in her sunglasses (Is that because she'd been crying or because she's pretending to be blind again?), TobAy is en route in the RV with tears of his own filling up those baby blues and we see why. "I know what happened 2 your mom. Bring the lair and u'll known 2. Kisses -A," his latest text ... I mean, e-message ... reads.

Then, TobAy flashes back to his earlier days where Ali is in his bedroom, taunting him with the same "I know you want to kiss me" that she did with Ian on the Kissing Rock in the video that played a trillion times in Season 1. As they lean in, TobAy's mom emerges. She's just woken up at four in the afternoon. "I think there's something wrong with her," he tells Ali. But her insensitive "lazy, much?" response prompts him to ask her to leave. Back in the present, TobAy trapses down the road less traveled to meet A, wiping tears from his eyes. Was no one on the road disturbed by the baby doll in his windshield? Apparently not.

Back at the church, a new fluffy-haired, mumbly cop named Officer Holbrook approaches the Little Liars by first name. He's with the Pennsylvania State Police, investigating the murders of Garrett and Wilden. "Wilden had a thing for you," he says. "His conduct borders on unprofessional." So ... what are they doing at his funeral then, Holbrook wonders.

"We're, uh, supporting our local police department," Emily says, offering possibly the worst response ever.

"Remember, we're the good guys," an apparently convinced Holbrook says. "Just here to find out the truth."

Cue e-message! "The truth won't set you free, bitches. I'm going to bury you with it. Kisses -A." And there's a video too -- it's MonA stealing "the chip" the night Wilden was murdered.

As the credits roll, we see A has added a MonA doll -- black hoodie and all -- to his/her collection. And we also see that it was A beneath the black lace veil, wearing wearing a singed mask.

Me: "We are right back where we started."
Mom: "Thanks, Marlene---for nothing."

The fact that this episode included so many callbacks to Season 1 -- the exterior church funeral shots, the "I know you want to kiss me," etc. -- felt more Sisyphean than Easter egg-y. I'm really getting tired of going in circles here. As my mom said, "I'm getting dizzy, Marlene!"

I do, however, think that Ali's mom is now a prime suspect and those who've thrown Ashley's name out there as a possible A Team member might have some evidence too. The "Kisses" moniker in Wilden's phone and her general absence in the premiere are suspicious as well. Plus, there's always Melissa.

What did you think of the premiere? Who is at the top of your A suspect list? Sound off in the comments!

Quotes of the Night
"You know what I think? I think you're lucky that we're not beating the crap out of you." -Emily

"Yeah, I have my own set." -MonA

"Mi casa es su casa." -MonA
"In English!" -Hanna

"If you're not taking into account the fact that she died two years ago, sure, it's possible." -TobAy

"She let things go. And it smells like old people."- Mrs. DiLaurentis
"Ali hated that smell." -Emily

"You know, Ezra, it's a lot easier to not see you when I'm not seeing you." -Aria

"Every time I closed my eyes, I saw Wilden. And then I saw a pig and then I saw Wilden with a pig face." -Hanna

"Are you really so sure about everything you're so sure about?" -Aria

"There's no way we're letting A bring down Mrs. M." -MonA

"Pretty Little Liars" airs Tuesdays at 8 p.m. ET on ABC Family.